Skip to content

April 2008

It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful: Summary

“The beautiful and thin” are not the only women “valued and loved” by our society, at least that was the conclusion after a week of discussion in my Women’s Health class. Most people felt that appearances did make a difference in how people were perceived and accepted, but not in whether they were able to find love and acceptance. Appearance, good personal hygiene, and a modicum of fashion sense were important for initially attracting attention, but may not be critical to maintaining a relationship. Read more after the jump.

It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful: Beauty is as beauty does (Responses, Part 2)

Sean_Cassidy2Nicole had some very interesting observations and thoughts in response to my earlier post on the Annie Lennox song, “It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful” in our ongoing class discussion. This interesting and illuminating discussion about women and self-image includes what it is like for a woman to date both average looking and almost perfect looking men and how boyfriends’ attitudes and words can ruin a relationship when they let weight become an ultimatum. It concludes with some insights on parenting. Enjoy!

Written by Nicole Zolty on April 24, 2008 10:47 PM (CC-BY-SA Licensed):

I appreciate your post Will. I agree with you that inner beauty is always more than outward. With inner beauty often comes confidence which I find extremely attractive. Confidence in oneself exudes off of people and draws you to them.

Many people cannot see past appearances though which is so sad. I have been in relationships with people in “perfect” shape and also with the average person.

And one relationship was not better than the other because of how they looked, people are just people, the packaging just varies.

I am thin, and I have had two men that I have dated inform me that I needed to stay thin if they were going to stay with me. One even went as far as to give me a weight limit that I needed to stay in for him to stay with me. Needless to say they were gone quickly after that, but what amazed me is that some people are so hung up on thinness that they feel it is acceptable to make such stipulations on another. Not to mention I lost all respect for them. Woman whether heavy or thin want to be valued for WHO they are, not how they look.

Thanks for your thoughts.

I’m sorry if this sounds rude, but those two men are such losers! I’m happy that you had a strong enough self-image to see that and to leave the relationships rather than trying to meet an unrealistic mandate.

That was an interesting insight about the “perfect” people and the average person being no better or worse. It makes sense on an intellectual level, yet it is somehow reassuring to hear someone say that.

I am curious if you felt or were treated any differently when you were with “perfect” or “average” people. I can imagine several different scenarios. First, when you were with Mr. Perfect, you might have been looked down upon for not being so perfect (though it sounds like you might have just fit in fine). You might have felt a bit better about yourself in the company of a “perfect” man (“Look at who I scored, girls!”). You might have been treated better when with Mr. Average, because maybe you looked better than he did. Did you feel as respected by others when with Mr. Average compared to when you were with Mr. Perfect.

Basically I’m wondering if your partner’s looks had any spill-over, positive or negative, onto you.

Thank you for your comments.

—Will

Read More »It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful: Beauty is as beauty does (Responses, Part 2)

Related Posts:

It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful: Beauty is as beauty does (Responses, Part 1)

A beautiful woman from TurkeyMy original thoughts on the Annie Lennox song, “It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful” in our ongoing class discussion launched the most discussed message thread for the activity. It was an interesting and illuminating discussion about women and self-image. It also discusses ideas about the physical ideal, fantasy ideal, romantic ideal, and how they all play a part in attracting and keeping men’s interest. Enjoy!

Written by Kellie Burns on April 24, 2008 10:46 PM (CC-BY-SA Licensed):

Will,

I think that you and Michael are both correct. Appearance and a great attitude are both attractive to me. I enjoy spending time with a people who have a great personality. Women with high self-esteem are hot! On the other hand, I find women who are a healthy weight (not skinny), clear skin, well-dressed, neatly trimmed hair, tan, and a “nice” breast size attractive.

It is to my understanding that all men have a need to “relieve” themselves through-out the week. (I know I’m treading thin waters, and I don’t want to cross the netiquette line. I still wanted to bring up the topic, though, because I felt it could be relevant.) Honestly, if I were a male and had the need to visit websites to release tension, I wouldn’t look for a site with women with mustaches and/or unibrows. I think that I may find a site with the stereotypical woman to carry out my fantasy. If I were a male, I would probably look at beautiful women as they passed me downtown. I would notice thin, well-groomed, well-dressed women more than I noticed the woman in plain, baggy clothes that hasn’t had a hair cut in 12 months, and is overweight.

On the contrary, as a woman, I feel intimidated by women in little clothes and “booming” bodies. I don’t understand why I feel so uncomfortable around them. I know that I am strong, smart, and pretty. Somehow, these women are still capable of making me feel inadequate.

I do wonder if everyone has something about their body that they would like to be different. I have a hard time believing that there is someone out there that is completely excited about every single physical aspect of their body. I think that some people have just learned to accept themselves for who they are, and in turn, they focus on more fun things in life. That doesn’t mean that they are completely satisfied with what they were dealt in physical traits. It just means that they believe that there are more important things in life than obsessive calorie counting.

Wow. Thank you for the great and thought provoking reply.

I agree with you that it is unlikely that most men would actively seek out overweight, neglectful, or even frumpy women to help “release tension” (though the term chubby chasers was invented for a reason). I think there is a difference between a “fantasy ideal” and a “relationship ideal”.

Read More »It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful: Beauty is as beauty does (Responses, Part 1)

Related Posts:

It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful: The beautiful and the thin

Tracy Mitchell weighs in with her opinion on discrimination (or lack thereof) of women who are not skinny and beautiful. She also provides some interesting background information on the song “It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful.” I respond and also mention similar themes in the musical Thoroughly Modern Millie.

It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful: Beauty is as beauty does

Annie Lennox, Eurythmics, Drammenshallen, Norway, October 6th 1986My latest class assignment is to read the words of the song, “It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful” popularized by Annie Lennox in the 1990s. We are then to discuss if we agree or disagree with the statement:

“Only the beautiful and thin are valued and loved. The non-skinny or non-pretty woman does not fit in and will face discrimination, stereotypes, and fewer social relationships. The pressure to achieve the ‘ideal’ is so strong we do not question the implications behind teaching young women how to be perfect and loved.”

It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful

Keep young and beautiful. It’s your duty to be beautiful.
Keep young and beautiful, If you want to be loved.
Don’t fail to do your stuff With a little powder and a puff.
Keep young and beautiful, If you want to be loved.

It you’re wise, exercise all the fat off. Take if off over here, over there.
When you’re seen anywhere with your hat off, Wear a Marcelled wave in your hair.
Take care of all those charms, And you’ll always be in someone’s arms.
Keep young and beautiful, If you want to be loved.

—Al Dubin and Harry Warren, Keep Young and Beautiful [Recorded by Annie Lennox], on Dive [CD], New York: RCA, 1992.

As much as I would love to say that the song is totally wrong, I can’t. For some people (not me) skinny, perfectly made up, ultra enhanced and mostly unrealistic beauty IS the epitome of beauty. To those people, this song is an accurate portrayal of beauty and the challenges needed to meet it.

That being said, I tend to buck convention, and what is inside is far more important than the exterior. Whether the person is skinny, obese, or anywhere in between… has a unibrow or perfectly plucked and curved eyebrows… a beauty spot or a hairy mole… what the person does, how they live their life, how they treat the lowest of their fellow man is far more important — and beautiful to me.

I would much rather marry someone who is overweight and happy than one who is the picture of perfection and miserable trying to stay that way.
Read More »It’s Your Duty to Be Beautiful: Beauty is as beauty does

Related Posts:

How the ‘traditonal family’ unit has changed into the ‘current family’ unit

A diverse 'current family' unitTraditionally, families have been groups of related people living together. In such family groups, the able-bodied young to middle-aged adults generally provided a supportive and nurturing environment for the infants, children, and elderly family members. Families often lived in community groups, and the male adults (fathers and teen males) would provide sustenance for the families through hunting, fishing, or farming activities. The younger adult women (mothers and teen females) would care for the youngest family members, clean, cook, tend the livestock, and otherwise “keep house”. The elderly women would often teach the young girls and boys the history of the family and other things that children needed to know as they journeyed into adulthood. Elderly men would usually sit around, discussing matters of great importance among themselves, as well as offering unsolicited advice to the rest of the family.

From this early family paradigm, we can see where much of the stereotypical family elements of a “traditional family” of the 1950s developed.Read More »How the ‘traditonal family’ unit has changed into the ‘current family’ unit

Related Posts:

A little Irish pride taking on Scoble and Calacanis on Twitter

Paul Walsh, an Irish entrepreneur, wants more visibility. He’s creating buzz by giving away a Mac Air to people who follow his wubud account on Twitter. Will he climb to the pinnacles of online greatness like his IT blogging rivals Robert Scoble and Jason Calacanis?

Conclusion: Two centuries of progress with more to go

Equal rights for everybody!At the conclusion of the week-long discussion concerning inequality between women and men, we were to write a summary of the discussions and replies along with our conclusions. Here is my wrap-up…
Read More »Conclusion: Two centuries of progress with more to go

Related Posts:

Reply: Two centuries of progress with more to go

Two nurses with baby in nursery at Toronto East General and Orthopaedic Hospital, Toronto, ONOne of the students on my Women’s Health class responded to my earlier post concerning inequality between women and men. She commented that she worked in a medical practice where inequality did not seem to be present. She asked me if I was interested in a career in medicine. She also asked me to further explain what I meant about doctors sometimes under-medicating women because they thought that the women’s complaints were just in their head. Here is my response…
Read More »Reply: Two centuries of progress with more to go

Related Posts:

Two centuries of progress with more to go

Suffrage parade, New York City, May 6, 1912

I am currently taking a course in Contemporary Women’s Health as the final requirement to earn my Associates Degree. One of the class discussions concerned inequality between women and men today. We were to answer whether or not we felt that there was any and if it could be changed or if it was a natural part of society. Here is my response…

Read More »Two centuries of progress with more to go

Related Posts:

Twitter Updates for 2008-04-07

So… It’s another Monday. Whoop-de-doo. :-/ # Since I was up early, made breakfast in bed for the whole family. It was a fun surprise!… Read More »Twitter Updates for 2008-04-07

%d bloggers like this: